31 January 2009

Extraordinary Lives Part 4 - The Weirdest Kid in Plymouth

Bartholemew looks just like any other child. But in fact he is most probably the weirdest kid to ever step foot in the town of Plymouth.

His pastimes include: Snooker (not pool), de-railing trains, beatboxing, manslaughter, degeneracy, lobster heckling...and many others.

"I just think I'm just like all the other kids" Bartholemew says. Shortly after saying this he attempts to ask a cheese grater for its hand in marriage. Sadly, it declines.

28 January 2009

Extraordinary Lives Part 3 - The Couple with See-through Bellies

Meet Terry and Nosferatu Smith. They are like any other married couple, apart from one thing, they have see-through bellies.

Terry was born in Utrecht, Holland. Where as Nosferatu was born in Guatemala, and then moved to the UK, aged 9. The two of them are the only people in the world to have the rare condition, known as tumtumtransporlaria. In 2002, they met over the internet, after hearing about eachother.

"I was so glad to meet Nosferatu," Terry tells me. "I thought I was alone on this planet. The kids at school used to be bully me saying things like "oi I can see your toast!" or they sometimes used to feed me furbies, so that they could see them in my stomach...it was horrible."

27 January 2009

26 January 2009

Extraordinary Lives Part 2 - The World's Youngest Necrophiliac

This is Herman, the world's youngest necrophiliac (corpse bummer). "You wouldn't think he was a necrophiliac (do-er of the deceased)." His teacher explains to me- "at school he's a really nice kid, never gets in to any trouble."

Necrophiliacs (rigger mortis fags) usually hang around in graveyards at night, sometimes alone, sometimes with other necrophiliacs (Lovers of the decomposed). They will dig up at corpse, and "go at it".

The necrophilliac motto is - "R.I.M.P." or "Rest in....my pants!"

24 January 2009

#25 - "How long can you hold your breath in a crypt?"

Extraordinary Lives Part 1 - The World's Smallest Boy

This is Donald Banoffi, aged 13. Also known as, the world's smallest boy. He lives in Durham with his mum and dad, and his sister Dorris, aged 4, who is taller than him.

Donald was recently measured at a tiny 2 inches tall. Which is as about at big as a small carrot. Donald is like any other normal child, but he is unable to do many of the things that normal children do.

"I'm really in to Monopoly" Donald explains. "I can't play though, I can't move the pieces."

Donalds explains to me about how he wants to become the World Monopoly Champion. However, at the rate he is growing, he won't even be able to rape a granny, never mind play monopoly.

21 January 2009

16 January 2009

#14 - "Can a bird and a fish ever be mates?"


Burglars at home - Part 3

Here's the third and final batch of burglar pictures. Before this exploration, many people merely dismissed the species as being thieves, or sometimes "the scum of society". Hopefully these pictures will go someway in to making people appreciate these beautiful mammals a bit more.

Burglars are quite intelligent creatures. Here is a burglar pretending he can read. Probably to show off to the opposite sex. Other such displays include wearing clothes that have v-neck collars or bragging about their grade E they achieved in their mathematics GCSE.

This behaviour is yet unnexplained by scientists.

A rare sight. A male burglar washing.

15 January 2009

#13 - "What are the advantages of fingerless gloves?"


Burglars at home - Part 2

Here are some more breathtaking pictures of the burglars at home. Scientists have been able to study these photos so that they can find out more about their behaviour. Dr Harold McFarnaby said - "These photos have completely made us rethink the way that they (the burglars) socialise and communicate with each other."

Here is a newly born burglar havin' a bacon sarnie.

Zoologists have discovered that burglars enjoy watching films and television. Here is a male burglar watching "Schindler's List".

14 January 2009

#12 - "Can you use hula hoops as bait for fishing?"


13 January 2009

#11 - "Can you make an E sandwich?"

(cliquez sur l'image pour l'agrandir)

Burglars at home - Part 1

This is the first part in a series of posts focusing on the lives of burglars, and what they are really like. Some of the photographs show the burglars doing things never seen before by human eyes.

Here is a male burglar playing on a gamecube. Their possesion of such a piece of technology is probably a result of one of the many burgularies they perfrom each week.

Here is a young burglar tying his shoe laces.

Here is an alpha male having a drink. Burglars find drinking/eating fairly difficult. Mainly because of their small mandible hole in their black exo-skeleton.

12 January 2009

#10 - "What colour is rudolph's nose?"

(divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived!)

11 January 2009

#9 - "Can rubbers rub out real life mistakes?"

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#8 - "Is there a whisper mark?"

(DONT click to make image bigger)

10 January 2009

#7 - "Can you put a metal sofa in a hole?"

(click for visual data)

06 January 2009

#2 - "Where does smoke go?"

(click image to make it elephantine)

#1 - "Can you effectively wash your balls in lucozade?"

(Click to make too big)